My coping mechanism is based on the optimism, love and truth found in Jesus’ teachings.

As I’ve been growing older, it becomes more evident what’s more important in life. It’s all about relationships. Right relationships.

As a student, it is very easy to have academic success be the primary purpose for life. For other people, their purpose alongside academics is having fun. Both academics and having fun are important goals which are a blessings in our lives; however, as the purpose for our lives, these goals are not enough and transient at best. Many people realize this and start believing their purpose is "to help others." Still others, realize marriage and having children is also their purpose.

All these goals are noble and serve important roles in our lives. However, after realizing these goals, a question remains, ‘Is there something more?’ This question ultimately goes to ‘What’s the leading purpose for all your actions.’ Is each action guided by isolated reasons or a larger unified reason? Are we powered by love, comfort, beauty, pleasure, knowledge, or something else, or a combination of everything? At this point, many people abandon their curiosity, falling back on their previous goals without probing deeper in the reasons for their goals. This happens for many reasons, such as a lack of confidence in ideas impacting their actions, no Truth existing, the business of life, or simply not valuing reasons for actions. The problem with not having a questioning and open outlook and settling with your previously established goals, lies in having contradictory views without you noticing them. Your goal may be to "help others," yet without deeply thinking about the reasons for a goal, you may actually be doing the opposite of your intended goals. Or you may believe you’re trying to find love, but are doing the opposite. This is where the idea of Pharisees (read my blog entry Pharisees for more about this) comes in. These people are confident with their understanding to the extent they don’t need to deeply question their views anymore, because they’ve ‘already found enough truth for now.’ These people don’t change much, because they’re ‘good just the way they are.’ Once a person is ready to abandon everything they previously understand for a newly discovered Truth, he/she ceases to be a Pharisee.

So, ‘What happens after I open myself to dramatically change?’ By being truly open, you’re on a great adventure and truly living life: discovering and living the Truth. It’s a dangerous adventure with many false guides, hence you should neither get too comfortable with a single guide, nor abandon a guide who’s always true to you. It’s difficult. Some people are their own guides, but based on my experience I’m neither always true to myself, nor always a good guide. Because of this, I look to a guide greater than myself and greater than anybody. This is Jesus.

One can say, ‘There are many good guides. What makes Jesus so special?’ I could go through what I understand from different guides and the many truths I have learned from them, pasting together a unified eclectic philosophy, but miraculously all the truths I learn from other guides are always uniquely present in Jesus’ teachings in one form or another. And most importantly, Jesus provides not only the true goals to pursue, but also the prime purpose for having any goals: love. Love is the unifying theme of Jesus’ teachings, as evolution is the unifying theme of biology. While there are many different reasons we can have goals, love is the only reason that can renewably sustain everyone and create a peace that transcends all understanding. It is in relationships where this power of love is expressed the greatest. Jesus, unlike anyone, had a particularly unique way of relating to others and seeing peoples’ hearts for what they are. When someone can see what’s truly inside your heart and reflect it back to you, it’s one of the greatest ways to understand the Truth, ultimately motivating you to change for the better, which is the greatest thing that could ever happen.

As to your question, ‘How do I cope? Do I have a small circle of friends?’ A small circle of friends is only as helpful as I am at peace with myself; when I’m at peace with love. Simply having friends does not help coping and can even be a source of disturbance. Being in community with God through Jesus provides amazing guidance in how to love, which helps my relationships with my friends be the best possible. Likewise, being in community with people provides experience in how to love, which feedbacks into the guidance I’m getting through Jesus. It’s an inseparable cycle of loving God and people that feedbacks on itself.

In the end, when I pursue academics, work, having fun, "helping others," falling in love, or starting a family, I try to deeply evaluate if my particular goal is done out of love. Since it’s Jesus’ unifying theme and Jesus is always a good guide, love is my unifying reason for doing everything. It’s sometimes difficult to know what love is, but by pursuing love without ceasing, it becomes more clear what love actually entails. I’ve found that loving entails many things not included or contrary to the popular status quo "helping others" perception. When I am feeling the lowest in life, the best thing to cheer me up is for me to show love to someone in need. My strength is found in helping others in their time of need. I’m coping the best when I understand this Truth and I’m passionately acting as a servant to others. The greatest blessings God has ever provided for me where moments when I got the gift of helping someone in serious need. "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." (Matthew 23:12)

My Coping Mechanism: Love as Jesus loves

This entry was originally published at Interconnectedness by Mikhail (Misha) Lomize